|
| | | Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 08 February 2009 07:18
Posts: 3, Visits: 3 |
| Hi, my name really is Fitzwilliam Darcy (thanks Mum)>
I realise that I'm gatecrashing your forum somewhat, because I'm a bloke. That said, I'm a bloke with an eight year old daughter and I'm a single dad who works from home.
Sometimes it's difficult to strike the right balance between finding time to be a parent and finding time to get on with my work.
Does anyone have any tips that might help, even a little? |
| |
| | | Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 04 April 2009 14:37
Posts: 28, Visits: 121 |
| | Well I don't know if any of us strike the right balance all the time. But I try and keep my child free time for phone calls, conference calls and things that require a lot of concentration. And keep emailing, admin jobs and research for time when the kids are around. It's important to give some 100% concentration on the child/children now and again, but to he honest, I don't think parenting is about 'quality time', it's just about time. So the fact that you are around, albeit working, is a nice feeling for a child. But now and again, it's good to say 'sod it', I'm going to sit down and watch half and hour of telly with them/read a book/whatever, and really relish the time that you have together. |
| |
| | | Forum Member
Group: Administrators
Last Login: 02 April 2009 20:34
Posts: 31, Visits: 176 |
| My youngest daughter is just a tad older than yours, and I find that she has an hour or so when she is happy to do her own thing, such as drawing or watching a film, or playing with the animals, but that then she erupts in to my space needing instant attention right away, I'm sure that's typical of older children and tweenies in general, since my elder one did it too and still does!
It can be quite difficult to handle, especially if you are on the phone to a client, and it can cost you a lot of money trying to keep them entertained and out of the work space. However, there are ways to balance the two more easily, some of which we cover in Tweenies, and a few general ideas that might help:
• Try to restrict making important phone calls/doing involved jobs or projects to when she's at school.
• Do your admin or online networking when she is home - at least you can be interrupted without too much damage being done!
• Give her your undivided attention when she does interrupt you [if it's an acceptable interruption, obviously] or when you take a break.
• Give her a job to do - asking her to help you file, is likely to send her running for the hills and her Nintendo Wii, giving you half an hour of silence, but it might also go the other way so you get a job done while spending some time together.
Professional Writer, Editor, Publisher
Home Business Expert
Funky Angel Consultant
www.funkyangel.co.uk |
| |
| | | Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 24 April 2009 21:15
Posts: 13, Visits: 28 |
| I'm not a single parent, but I've had to look after my children all day long for the last 7 years whilst my husband was at work until 6pm and at the same time try and fit in work.
We didn't send them to day nurseries and once when child went to school the other came along. They are now aged 7yrs and 4yrs.
The way I did it was essentially a hell of a lot of evening working I'm afraid in the beginning, but after the first 18mths of business that really calmed down. I did work during the day when my children were around to some degree but a lot of my work was during the evening. After the initial first 18mths of getting things really launched I was able to stop working by about 10pm at night.
Your daughter is at school yes? My two are now both at school also, I'd suggest this sort of working pattern below which mirrors my own.
You can do it if you really want to do it and I personally feel that working from home is a great solution for a single dad due to the level of flexibility it offers you and so it's worth finding a way of fitting it all in.
Ok, here goes ... a plan to fit it all in each day.. the work, and the child rearing.
9am. Arrive home after school run, kitchen/bedrooms are no doubt in chaos, I know mine are. Spend time cleaning up and preparing your own breakfast and lunch for the day. It's tempting maybe to get straight to work and do the mess later, that's a bad idea, it will only lead to chaos and inefficiency later in the day.
9.45am: Get to work and work a solid 5 hours straight (with a few eye breaks amounting to no more than perhaps a 5/10 min coffee break every hour).
When it's lunch time grab what you made in the morning and eat it over your desk. Not very civilised I know, but when you need to get stuff done while the children are at school and you have no help when they get home, that's just the most logical thing to do.
2:45pm: After your 5hours working, quickly prepare after school snacks for your daughter (mine are starving when they get home, don't know about your daughter). Set out on the school run to fetch your daughter.
When you get home, which for me is 3:45pm because I have two schools on different sites to fetch two kids from and I don't drive, I have to walk it all, lol. This is a good time to spend time with your daughter.
She will want to perhaps talk about her day and it's a good time to do that whilst signing forms, books and god knows what else the school is throwing at you (It's never ending is it.)
During this time you can also cook dinner, throw things into the washing/do a bit of ironing and during all that you are still available to chat to her if she wants to chat or needs help with something she is doing or playing with.
5.00pm: Dinner with your daughter, wash up etc. She's old enough to dry up 
5:30pm: If relevant make sandwiches for the next day, lay out her school clothes for the next morning to speed up the school run activity so you don't have to get up so early.
You've spend a good amount of time with your daughter whilst getting some vital tasks done in the afternoon, and now she should be happy for you to go back to work for a spell and for her to pretty much amuse herself …. reading, drawing, playing, perhaps a bit of tv also. I know my kids are knackered when they get back from school so I don't mind them watching some tv in the afternoon/evening.
You should manage to get a further 1hours work done at this point even if she interrupts you a lot, just carry on inbetween each interruption but really at that age you should be encouraging her to play alone and not feel guilty about that - everyone needs to learn how to enjoy their own company for portions of the day and shouldn't need constant amusement or provision of 'things to do'.
If she's very good at amusing herself and is respectful of your need to work you might even get in 2hours worth of work at this time. So by this point you've achieved a full 6 hours of work for the day minimum, possibly even 7hours.
7pm: Bath time and then bed at 730pm. I don't know if you have any issues with getting her to sleep at night, but there's no reason why at this age she shouldn't be in her bed reading or tv and settling down to relax ready to sleep by 7:30pm. Lights out no later than 8pm so that you can get on with the other things you really need to get done. It's good for her also to get decent sleep, children who sleep well learn well. If she's not sleeping by 8pm, I can recommend an excellent book to resolve that for you.
8pm: Your daughter is in bed sleeping, back to work for you. You can now work for a further one or two hours until 9 or 10pm at night and if you work until 10pm, that means you've managed to get in a full 8 hours of work in one day. 5 hours of it was completely uninterrupted. That's a normal working day.
If you work until 9pm (presuming your daughter let you get 2hours work done in the late afternoon)that still leaves you three hours of time to watch tv, read or whatever and relax before going to sleep if you go to sleep at midnight. Because you were very organised the night before and all school clothes are laid out, dishes done, sandwiches made, forms filled and so on, you really should not need to get out of your bed until 7.30am/8am. I don't get out of bed until 8am of a morning no word of a lie - that's why I can stay up until midnight very easily. 7/8hrs sleep is enough for most people.
I leap out and get two young kids aged 7 and 4 ready (husband has long gone to work by this point you see) and out the door by 8:40am. It takes me 10mins to walk to the first school on my route, then I've got 10 mins to get to the next school
When the weekends come you can get your major household cleaning chores done, which should be covered inside of 2/3 hours, and your daughter can help with those. Then you have lots of time left to spend time with your daughter. If you've got nothing planned, I'm sure she won't mind if you are busy at that particular time at work, if you spent a couple of hours on a Sat and Sunday catching up to a bit of work whilst she plays.
You can also do evening work on those days if necessary and in my early days of running my business (about the first 18mths) with my two kids around me all the time during the day, it was very common for me to work until midnight most nights. That was because it's much harder work required to be put into a new business compared to an established business, and it's going to come to more than 8hours a day. But once it's ticking along, you should be able to earn your income in those sorts of set hours.
So I was really crazy detailed, but I hope it helps!! I have personally found that the only way you will get everything done is to be extremely regimented like this with your time.
Amanda
A Funky Angel Consultant
www.trulyace.com
www.trulyace.com/blog
Logo Design I Print Design I Illustration I Web Design I & More... |
| |
| | | Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 19 February 2009 18:26
Posts: 5, Visits: 16 |
| Hi Fitzwilliam,
I have twin 11 year old daughters and I'm the main out of school carer as my wife commutes to London every day. I've had this role since we worked out that our last nanny earned more than I did that year!
I'm fortunate in as much as they've always had a playmate in each other, but I've always found it easier if anything when they've had one or more friends around to play/have tea etc than if they were just on their own - much less likely to come an ask me to do stuff with them. Maybe I'm lucky that they've always been sensible little souls and thankfully the majority of their mates are the same. This meant that they would get reciprocal invitations, so I still managed to get my work done after they were out of school. I did organise myself so that I could take time out to just be with them... take them to the park.. for a pizza.. the cinema etc. but of course I did and do have my wife to take over in the evenings and weekends along with her parents who live nearby.
These days they'd much rather I gave them the money for them to go to the cinema or for a pizza with a friend or friends... they don't really want dad in tow.
I'm sure you aim to strike the right balance between spending constructive time on your work and quality time with your daughter, but in my experience, you'll never get both spot on all the time and there's no point in worrying about it too much.
Cheers, Paul.
Graphic Design: http://community.webshots.com/user/bryterlayter
Community Radio Online: http://www.marlowfm.co.uk
Blog: http://paulmansell.wordpress.com
FunkyAngel Consultant: http://funkyangel.co.uk/About/Consultants/Paul+Mansell |
| |
| | | Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 08 February 2009 07:18
Posts: 3, Visits: 3 |
| | Blimey, thanks guys. You've given me some great ideas and support! |
| |
|
|